How To Know If You Need Couple’s Therapy

Written By Natalie Andrews

If you’re wondering if couple’s therapy could be a good fit for you and your partner, you’re in the right place. It can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you aren’t sure if your relationship issues are ‘bad enough’ for therapy. As a Marriage and Family Therapist in Cincinnati, my advice is to not wait until your relationship is in crisis; if one partner feels pulled towards seeing a couple’s therapist, you should go. If you both aren’t sure, here are some key indicators that it might be time to consider couple’s therapy.

1. Communication Breakdown

Communication is the backbone of every relationship. Everything we do in the relationship, whether it’s verbal or nonverbal, communicates something to our partners. Sometimes we need a therapist to help us navigate through communication differences and misunderstandings. I find that as a therapist, I’m also part emotional translator, helping a person understand the language their partner is speaking.

Communication breakdown might mean:

  • You're having the same fight repeatedly without any resolution or understanding.

    While, according to The Gottman Institute, some problems are perpetual (i.e. personality differences), a therapist can help you come to a better understanding of your conflict patterns.

  • Conversations quickly escalate into yelling or complete silence.

    Therapy can give you the space to learn new skills, like emotional regulation, or new ways to communicate so that a conflict doesn’t become unhealthy.

  • You feel unheard or misunderstood.

    One of the most important parts of therapy, and of relationships, is feeling understood. A therapist should give space to both partners to discuss their needs, emotions, and thoughts.

  • You feel like you just can’t talk about an issue with your partner.

    Whether you need an emotional translator, a gentle nudge, or just a safe place to communicate your feelings, the therapy office can be a place to do so.

2. Loss of Emotional or Physical Intimacy

While some decrease in physical intimacy is expected over time in long term relationships, a healthy relationship requires levels of emotional and physical intimacy that are satisfying to both partners.

There are lots of reasons why there can be a loss of emotional or physical intimacy. Here are a few that might bring you to therapy:

  • You feel more like roommates than romantic partners.

    I hear this reason so often in my practice. A relationship can get stuck in ‘business’ mode and partners forget to nourish the romantic side of their relationship.

  • Sex is infrequent or nonexistent, and the topic causes tension.

    Sex can be an incredibly difficult topic to discuss, even with a long term partner. Differences in sexual desire is typical for most couples, and something couples can learn to navigate.

  • You avoid spending quality time together, or the time you are together doesn’t feel like quality time.

    A decrease in quality time can arise due to typical life stressors, but can leave partners feeling distant and disconnected.

3. Significant Life Transitions

Major life events, even positive ones, can impact our relationships and stress levels. Often the stress from these life transitions can lead to other relationship difficulties, such as communication breakdown and decrease in intimacy.

Some of the significant life transitions our Ohio clients experience are:

  • Pregnancy/ postpartum

  • Marriage

  • Financial difficulties or job loss

  • A major move, illness, or loss of a loved one

4. You're Considering Separation

Many clients come into therapy to talk about the potential of separation. A therapist can guide you through conversations designed to help you decide if you’d like to separate or if you feel you can begin to rebuild your relationship. While a therapist can’t tell you what path to take, they can help you better understand what is and isn’t working for you in the relationship, how to communicate those feelings to your partner, and hold you both accountable to making positive changes in the relationship.

5. Infidelity or Betrayal

If you’ve experienced infidelity or a betrayal in your relationship, therapy can offer a structured place to process through emotions and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Betrayal can be:

  • Emotional or physical affair

  • Financial secret-keeping

  • Digital affairs

  • Patterns of deception

Key Takeaways

You don’t need to wait until your relationship is in crisis to come into therapy, but therapy can help even if you feel like your relationship is already in crisis.

Major life changes happen to everyone and even the positive changes can cause stress in a relationship.

A therapist can be an emotional translator, helping you to better understand your partner and to feel better understood.

Communication difficulties, decrease in intimacy, and affairs are all reasons why some couples start couple’s therapy.

How Integrated Hearts Therapy Center Can Help

As Cincinnati-based therapists, we support our Cincinnati and Ohio clients through the use of Narrative Therapy techniques. Every person has their own lens and beliefs, often shaped by our family of origin and the society around us. Conflict can occur in relationships when we don’t understand our partner’s lens, or don’t even fully understand our own lens. Our couple’s therapy focuses on building that understanding while giving tools to build healthy communication, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.

We provide individual therapy, couple’s therapy, and therapy intensives designed for premarital and perinatal life transitions.

Reach out today to start your therapy journey!

Natalie Andrews